TWENTY !?!?!?!

I am still an absolute child!
It is 2 a.m. of the 20th of November, my mutation into a 20years old pseudo-woman just started 2 hours ago, and I cannot sleep, maybe I am too scared that if I close my eyes when I will open them again tomorrow morning my face will be covered by wrinkles, or my hair got completely white!

After the assault of my flatmates at midnight in my bedroom when ,as usual, I was finishing my assignment due the next day, I tried to go back to bed and sleep but I have been assaulted , mentally, this time, by the usual excitement that hit me each time on my b-day.
I seriously feel like a child the night before Christmas-day. I have never been a fan of Christmas especially when I found out pretty soon, because I am always too curios, that Santa Claus doesn't exist ( I am sorry if with this comment I hurt those ones who still believe in Father Xmas,  maybe at the beginning of this post I should write: "Sensitive content for Santa Claus' believers").

Anyway since I lost the faith in Christmas, I think that birthdays became my most favorite reason to celebrate in the whole year, because there is nothing more beautiful than showing to the people we love how much we care and how much we love them.
It is true though, that we could do that throughout all the year with small surprises, letters etc. but I think that it is just wonderful the fact that once a year we can celebrate the miracle of our lives!
For once a year we are authorized to tell that person on his special day how much we love him and makes him feel like he is the most important person in the whole world, it doesn't matter to make a big gesture, just few words, a letter or a small present will do.
Our life is not always plain and without any obstacles, we fight for our happiness everyday, appreciating the small precious things in life we have. Sometimes there could be rough times, sometimes we could feel like we cannot make it, we could feel alone or unloved, so I think we truly deserve that ONE day a year when we feel unconditionally love and overwhelmed by people's kindness,smile and affection.
We deserve to celebrate our life: messed-up, crazy or full of unexpected events ,at times good at times bad, we need to celebrate the fact that, despite all the obstacles, we are alive! we choose to live! And for living I don't mean the function to breathe and to eat, but I mean the capacity to stand on our own feet after we fall down several times, the capacity to make decisions, the possibility to be wrong and to act naively or stupidly sometimes, because only falling down and maybe hurting ourselves we get more aware that we Live!
I don't know if any of these words make even sense, it is 2.30 in the morning and it is very likely that I am just making nonsense ,basically writing down my stream of consciousness, but I am too excited to sleep: I can't wait tomorrow morning to come , even if I have to go to college and submit a stupid assignment :P
Anyway I was talking about why Birthdays mean so much to me... well what else can I say!? When I was little I remember my granny and my mom preparing my birthday cake, I , unfortunately ( ;D) , had always a passion for cakes so for me eating my b-day colorful cake was kind of the best moment of the day; I remember running and playing Hide and Seek with my friends for the whole day, laughing so hard...I don't remember him coming to my b-day parties with a present, but maybe just because I was too little to remember in details.
Growing up, I remember the dinners sitting down on a long table with so many loud friends shouting and still laughing so hard, with the smell of pizza all over the place.
A phone call, sometimes he forgot, but I mean I haven't got a good memory either and he is always so busy with work.
My 18th birthday: unforgettable, I think it was the best party in town, one of the happiest day of my life:one of these flashes when you actually are enjoying the moment so much that you cannot think about anything else.
That time I stressed him out so so much for the last months that he eventually got me a present, a very beautiful one. It was what I wanted, I thought, but I was too happy this time he actually showed that he thought about me that I didn't care about anything else.
Although my birthday's gifts have their importance, at the end of the day the memory of that special day, the people who share it with me and who are still next to me throughout these years
despite the distance; this is more precious than all the presents I received in 20 birthdays.
Now I realize that what I always really wanted from him wasn't a good present , but it was an unforgettable memory; a memory of me and him joking, enjoying the moment, laughing uncontrollably, a memory that I have got with all the people I love the most, except with him. Or even the memory of him telling me something that would have made me feel the best thing he could have ever done in his life: because it is how you are supposed to feel on your birthday isn't it?! You are supposed to hear that he is so proud for the person you are becoming and that he wouldn't want me any different, because, to him, at least, to him in the whole world, I should look perfect, or at least close enough to perfection.
But maybe these things only happen in these american family Tv series which I have been wrongly grown up watching :)
Anyways today , and only today, is that time of the year which I can act a bit selfishly and spoilt, and I must clear up my mind off all the bad thoughts going around lately in my head, throwing them outside the window in this very cold Dublin night letting the strong wind blowing them away from my head, and bringing them in a very far place.
I just felt the uncontrollably desire to write down and at the same time exorcise the mess I have in my mind.
I miss my families spread all around the world, terribly. I wish they could be all here to celebrate my birthday with me.
BUT I have got nothing to complain with a wonderful Dublin family like the one happened to me this year, not to forget I am living in one of the most beautiful city in the world!
I couldn't choose a better location for my 20th birthday :)
Ok this stream of consciousness must end now if I want to be ready tomorrow for the whole day and night of celebration instead of looking like a zombie :)
I leave you with the picture that shows the love of my crazy flatmates who assault me at midnight, and I will update you about what happened on my b-day when I will finally reacquire the use of the word and of typing after what, I know, awaits me tomorrow night!!

They gave me a magic wand!!! :) 

The Usual ChipMunk face O.o

US!

(from the left:Carlotta,me,Nana,Eva)

Chiara #Ulysses Daughter